So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
