Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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