I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
