i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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