I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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