she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize