remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
