so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
