listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
