I'm really into asian looking animals
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
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