have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
