i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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