Will you blow on my dice?
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
