dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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