Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
