Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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