You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
