i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
