Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
