found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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