I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
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We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
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Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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