I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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