i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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