Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
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Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
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The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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