i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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