I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
