ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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