The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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