haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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