i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
