Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
