It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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