We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
