How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
