You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
