Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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