My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
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