totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
