Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
