I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
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His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
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It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
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