just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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