I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
