if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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