I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
You're like the curious george of whores
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
