and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
So here I am, sexting at work.
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