I bet he comes in French.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
My bed smells like the plague
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
