dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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