Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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