do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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