I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
