i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
