just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
