i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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