I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
We are all done wearing pants today
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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