Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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