i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
