Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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