she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Randomize
