I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
