everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
