Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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