if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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