i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
