Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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