he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
