He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
